Jewish Haiku

    After the warm rain

     the sweet smell of camellias.

     Did you wipe your feet?

     Her lips near my ear,

     Aunt Sadie whispers the name

     of her friend's disease.

      Looking for pink buds

     to prune, the old moyel

      wanders among his flowers.

 Today I am a man.

    Tomorrow I will return

 to the seventh grade.

 Harsh Scrabble discord--

 someone has placed "putzhead" on

 a triple word score.

  Testing the warm milk

on her wrist, she sighs softly.

 But her son is forty.

 The sparkling blue sea

 reminds me to wait an hour

 after my sandwich.

 Tea ceremony--

 fragrant steam perfumes the air.

 Try the cheese danish.

 Lacking fins or tail

the gefilte fish swims with

great difficulty.

 Lovely butterfly--

 not long ago your name was


    A cat steals into

   the night just like my former

   partner, that gonif.

  Yom Kippur-- Forgive

 me, Lord, for the Mercedes

 and all that lobster.

 My nature journal --

 today, I saw some trees and birds.

I should know the names?

 Like a bonsai tree,

your terrible posture at

 my dinner table.

 Beyond Valium

the peace of knowing one's child

is an internist.

 Jews on safari --

 map, compass, elephant gun,

hard sucking candies.

 Coroner's report --

 "The deceased, wearing no hat,

 caught his death of cold."

 The same kimono

 the top geishas are wearing:

 got it at Loehmann's.

 The sparrow brings home

 too many worms for her young.

 "Force yourself," she chirps.

  Jewish triathlon:

 gin rummy, then contract bridge,

  followed by a nap.

"Can't you just leave it?"

 the new Jewish mother asks --

 umbilical cord.

   The shivah visit:

 so sorry about your loss.

  Now back to my problems.

   Our youngest daughter,

 our most precious jewel.

 Hence the name, Tiffany.

 Mom, please! There is no

 need to put that dinner roll

in your pocketbook.

 Seven-foot Jews in

 the NBA slam-dunking!

 My alarm clock rings.

 Concert of car horns

 as we debate the question

 of when to change lanes.

 Sorry I'm not home

 to take your call. At the tone

 please state your bad news

 Is one Nobel Prize

so much to ask from a child

after all I've done?

Hava nagila,

hava nagila, hava--

 enough already.

 Would-be convert lost--

thawed Lender's Bagels made a

 bad first impression.

Today, mild shvitzing.

Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.

 Five-day forecast-feh

 Left the door open.

for the Prophet Elijah.

 Now our cat is gone.

 Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.

 Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis.

Oy! To be fluent!

 Quietly murmured

 at Saturday services,

 Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

 Lonely mantra of

 the Buddhist monk--"They never

 call, they never write."

 Look, Beryl! I've found

 the most splendid tchochke for

 our Chanukah bush.

The long pilgrimage

 to the venerable shrine -

 Leonard's of Great Neck.

Cherry blossoms bloom.

Sure, it's beautiful, but is

it good for the Jews?

 A lovely nose ring --

 excuse me while I put my

head in the oven.

Hard to tell under

the lights--white Yarmulke or

male-pattern baldness?

Wet moss on the old

stones. Lying in the

grass, I ponder who to sue.