Being an Educator
is
Connecting Parent to Child
This reflection and analysis of my educational purpose
comes from my own vivid educational experiences. Education was
crucial in my family. My parents sacrificed for their children's
education. Both my parents earned a doctorate. Both of my
parents were professors. Because of this they were very much
involved in my education and schooling. One of the many
goals and purposes of education is to connect the child with
his/her community of which family is a part. Schools tend to
separate children from families. Early educational thought held
that schools were going to rescue children from their parents.
Schools are social institutions which do not practice good social
skills when it comes to dealing with their student's parents.
Parents are considered the enemy in their own children's
education by too many school systems.
As a first year teacher, I had two students with whom I
was having a great deal of trouble. I was teaching in a private
boarding school for boys grades 5-9 in a posh area of
Connecticut. Now the question has to be raised: "Who sends a kid
away to boarding school in grade five?" In speaking to the
headmaster about these two boys, he suggested I wait until after
parent's weekend, and discuss the young lads with him then.
Parent's weekend came and I was anxious to meet the parents of my
two wayward lads. Well, it was not a pleasant encounter. Both
father's were abusive and the mother's off-putting. No
affection, no concern, just the facts from me. One father asked
if he wanted him to give his son a "whipping." In addition, both
sets of parents were divorced. It was at that point I realized
why some parents shouldn't have children. The weekend passed and
I had my meeting with the headmaster in regards to our orphaned
pups. These kids needed parents, that was as plain as the nose on
my face. However, the solution was that I was to be their
parent. This was unacceptable. Instead I suggested that the
boy's parents be the parents. The headmaster laughed and said
that that wasn't going to happen. Well to make a long story
short, he was right and he was wrong. In the case of one boy,
the parents never returned to the school and didn't answer my
phone calls or letters inviting them to visit. In fact they
pulled their son out of school and sent him to public school to
save money. He died, the next year, in a car accident while
driving under the influence of alcohol. In the case of the other
boy, the headmaster was wrong. I was able to get both parents to
visit on separate weekends. The boy became less of a problem and
more receptive to his lessons and sports and the community. I am
happy to say that I am still friends with him and both of his
parents nearly 20 years later. The point of all of this is that
education should foster community. Community includes family.
Today I use the virtual community of the Internet to have my
students communicate with their wired parents on a daily basis.
Parent's nights are an enjoyable time for me as I meet many of
the parents with whom I have electronically spoken. This urge of
mine to involve parents was instilled in me at an early age. My
parents were involved in my education.
Two incidents in my own schooling reflect my own parent's
involvement. The first occurred in third grade. My third grade
teacher was new and believed having the student write hundreds of
times I will not... will instill better behavior. Well I was her
Bart Simpson. I stayed after school more times per week than
not. My parents were not aware of this until a I had a rather
bad day at school. My teacher assigned my the task of writing "I
will not talk in class" 1000 times. Well I could clearly not do
this after school, so she allowed me to take it home. When my
parents came home they were proud that I was dutifully doing my
homework. After a couple of hours their curiosity was raised,
since I didn't usually spent this much time on homework. When my
mother saw what I was doing, she snatched the paper and went
downstairs screaming for my father. He and she came up furious,
not at me but at the assignment. I remember this distinctly,
they said nasty things about my teacher. They told me I wasn't
to write any more of this. They both drove me to school the next
morning and we all went straight to the principals office. They
didn't wait long. While I sat outside, in the main ofice, they
went inside the principal's office and closed the door. I never
wrote I will not... again, until this paper. My parents removed
me from that public school and put me into a private school the
next year. My parent's intervention showed me that they cared
for my pride and my esteem when my teacher did not. It took my
parents to step in and remind the school about a social
obligation. The lesson was: If the school has a problem with a
child, involve the parent. The second occurrence also involves a
switch from public school to private school. After three years in
a private school, I returned to public school for junior high.
Everything was fine until 8th grade. I was going to a public
junior high in Connecticut and the "new math" was being brought
in. As two highly educated people themselves they were curious
about its implementation. Both my parents were good in math and
we, the kids, were doing fine. As my dad said, "If it ain't broke
don't fix it." Well we were immersed in this "new math" thingy.
I got along but my parents were having a devil of a time with it.
I remember telling my sisters how I was teaching mom, an Economy
teacher, about math. We laughed about that. I remember my
grandpa, an MIT graduate, looked at it and motioned me away. He
claimed he was too old to learn "new math" when old math did him
just fine. This amused me. Well, I knew I wasn't long for this
school. My parents and other parents spoke about this at weekend
get togethers and all the kids would sit on the perimeter and
listen. Finally the day came and my parents took me to school
and we went to speak to the guidance counselor for advice on
private schools for me. They were thinking boarding since there
weren't any day schools for the upper grades in the neighborhood
and they didn't want me in the local public high schools with
this "new math". As I reflect on it now, it seems ironic that an
intended reform actually had an opposite effect, it drove kids
from the schools. I loved math, I was good in math and this "new
math" was just another problem to solve. I remember teaching
many others the tricks of the "new math" in class. If it weren't
for "new math" I probably would never have gotten to know a young
girl whom I was going to marry seven years later. I was having
fun with math before "new math" and after "new math". But it
wasn't "new math" that made it fun. At any rate I left this
public school for a private boarding school.
One of the functions of education is a process of
socializing the young child. Parents are part of that process.
For me teaching is easier if I have the parents involved. I feel
comfortable with them. I enjoy their children and their children
know I know their folks. On one particular report card I gave a
student a U for unsatisfactory. I knew this would bring his
father in on parent's night hopping mad, probably like my dad.
Well on parent's night he comes to see me first and demands to
know why I hadn't called him to tell him his son wasn't doing
well and added, "I thought we were friends." I started to laugh
and told him we were, but since I knew he probably wouldn't be
coming in on parent's night, I wanted to guarantee his presence
so I could chat with him for awhile. He slapped me on the back
and we chatted awhile until some more other parents came in to
see me about their child. Parent involvement is crucial in my
job. That is why I allow my kids to break a NYC BOE Internet
policy of "No receiving or sending of personal email." They
write to their wired parents and the parents love it. One mother
came in and told me it was great and that she and her daughter
were finally communicating. Without the parents I can't teach.
If I can't teach society is the worse for it. Parent involvement
in their children's education is one of my goals and purpose for
teaching. To me, it is just plain common sense to involve and
encourage parents to be in their child's education.