Now you can try it. Here is another story, only this one has not yet been
reviewed. Using "I heard, I noticed, I wondered," comment
on the story and e-mail us your critiques as though we had written it.
"Pretty good deal, hey kid?"
The ferry crew hauled the thick wet ropes on board as the giant boat
motor roared and spun beneath the deck. As they worked, a small
blue-jeaned boy stood inside the safety gate, watching every movement of
the crew members, all the time pulling his sweatshirt hood up and down
over his head. When two of the men pushed through the gate toward the
cab, the boy plunged his chubby hands into his pockets and strode
"Do you do this every day?" he asked, breathing rapidly while trying
to keep up. They looked down at the deep, dark eyes of the tiny Native
"Yeah," the blond one replied. "I get paid, too. Pretty good deal,
hey kid?" He nudged his buddy and they exchanged glances. The dark one
"We'll see you around, kid," the blond said while patting the young
boy on his head. They disappeared into the cabin and the boy stumbled
just outside the door. He turned and faced the water for a moment, lost
in thought. What was going through his mind at that moment? Maybe he was
thinking about somthing more remote and adventurous, like stories told to
him about his ancestors crossing these waters to the islands. Maybe he
thought about the ferry crew traveling back and forth every day between
the islands. Maybe he was thinking about working on the ferry when he
grew up, hauling in ropes and talking to little boys. As he stood there,
his hair was tousled about in the wind and his dark eyes shone.
Then suddenly he snapped back into action by turning and weaving a
path among the passengers, who were all lost in their own thoughts while
staring out into the water.
(This piece was, in fact, written by student writer Janae Sebranek, and
can be found in Writers Inc.)
Happy peer reviewing! We look forward to seeing your comments.
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